totahsam

I debated on whether to share this with ya’ll but I was talking to a couple of my friends in Bigfoot chat  (HI CAT HI JILL!) and I couldn’t help myself.

 Because of my fluid retention I won’t be able to judge whether I’m actually losing weight until I get the swelling under control.  I have been feeling a little discouraged because this flare-up is one of the worst I’ve had yet and lately I’m not showing any progress.  

Well God decided to step in.  Merrill luck style.

I wear a type of pants during my flare-ups that are extremely soft and flexible which minimizes the pain from them rubbing my legs.   They look kind of like sweats only they’re a very light material.   Flimsy.   There are no belt loops and have a string to tighten the waist.   You can see where this is going, right? 

Lately I’ve been having trouble keeping these pants from sliding down.   The string works great. 

When you tie it correctly.

Yes.  My pants fell down.

But this is me we’re talking about.  It can’t be something simple or mildy embarrassing.  OH no… huh uh… not for the King (or queen) of Merrill Luck.    I had to do it in a grand fashion.  With PLENTY of witnesses. 

Yesterday I was walking to my car.  Backpack in one hand, keys in the other.   I was tired and sick to my stomach and just not feeling up to snuff.   It was about 10 after 5pm and our building is at a major intersection in Farmington.   Lots and lots of traffic.   I park on the side of building facing the street.   The light was red.  Cars were backed up for blocks.  Of course.

I leaned up against the car to gain leverage with my keys and balance the backpack when I felt something….

Slip.

It kept slipping.

In a fit of blind panic I threw the keys, dropped the backpack and grabbed for my rapidly retreating pants.   Which retreated to my ankles.

There I was in my grey boxer briefs and a horrified look on my face.  

I quickly pulled them up and looked up to see…

A row of cars staring at me.   Dozens of people looking straight at me.  

I guess I’m still losing weight… along with my pants.

I think I contributed to global warming due to the heat coming off my red red face.  I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life and that’s saying something.   This is the same guy that rolled down a hill during and outdoor performance.   This is the same guy that fell down a flight of stairs after an audition in front of God and everybody.   Not to mention the treadmill incident a while back. 

I debated on whether to call in sick due to accute attack of terminal embarrassment.   Seriously.   I wrestled with my conscience and the phone for a good ten minutes.   My lack of funds won out. 

I hate money.

I came early.

I parked on the other side of the building.

’nuff said.