totahsam

I debated on whether to share this with ya’ll but I was talking to a couple of my friends in Bigfoot chat  (HI CAT HI JILL!) and I couldn’t help myself.

 Because of my fluid retention I won’t be able to judge whether I’m actually losing weight until I get the swelling under control.  I have been feeling a little discouraged because this flare-up is one of the worst I’ve had yet and lately I’m not showing any progress.  

Well God decided to step in.  Merrill luck style.

I wear a type of pants during my flare-ups that are extremely soft and flexible which minimizes the pain from them rubbing my legs.   They look kind of like sweats only they’re a very light material.   Flimsy.   There are no belt loops and have a string to tighten the waist.   You can see where this is going, right? 

Lately I’ve been having trouble keeping these pants from sliding down.   The string works great. 

When you tie it correctly.

Yes.  My pants fell down.

But this is me we’re talking about.  It can’t be something simple or mildy embarrassing.  OH no… huh uh… not for the King (or queen) of Merrill Luck.    I had to do it in a grand fashion.  With PLENTY of witnesses. 

Yesterday I was walking to my car.  Backpack in one hand, keys in the other.   I was tired and sick to my stomach and just not feeling up to snuff.   It was about 10 after 5pm and our building is at a major intersection in Farmington.   Lots and lots of traffic.   I park on the side of building facing the street.   The light was red.  Cars were backed up for blocks.  Of course.

I leaned up against the car to gain leverage with my keys and balance the backpack when I felt something….

Slip.

It kept slipping.

In a fit of blind panic I threw the keys, dropped the backpack and grabbed for my rapidly retreating pants.   Which retreated to my ankles.

There I was in my grey boxer briefs and a horrified look on my face.  

I quickly pulled them up and looked up to see…

A row of cars staring at me.   Dozens of people looking straight at me.  

I guess I’m still losing weight… along with my pants.

I think I contributed to global warming due to the heat coming off my red red face.  I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life and that’s saying something.   This is the same guy that rolled down a hill during and outdoor performance.   This is the same guy that fell down a flight of stairs after an audition in front of God and everybody.   Not to mention the treadmill incident a while back. 

I debated on whether to call in sick due to accute attack of terminal embarrassment.   Seriously.   I wrestled with my conscience and the phone for a good ten minutes.   My lack of funds won out. 

I hate money.

I came early.

I parked on the other side of the building.

’nuff said.

Sorry folks.  When they said they were “upping my dosage.”   They really meant it.  I’m still working but it takes every bit of my concentration and will power to make it through the day.  

Don’t have much of a choice to be honest.  I help support my parents with their meds, bills, groceries,  and all the things their retirement checks don’t cover.    It’s hell being old. 

I’m in a great deal of pain and my left leg is ulcerating.  The fluid has nowhere else to go except out, through my skin.   Ouch.

Ya’ll take care and hang in there.   It’s all uphill from here.

But.

The view is worth the effort.  

As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind.  To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again.  To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.

– Henry David Thoreau

Stop laughing..

I’m serious ya’ll.

 I said stop laughing. 

How do I know?  Well, for one,  my “friend” hasn’t arrived…. for over 45 years.   I think that means I’ve missed a month or two.   I’m bloated.  My legs are swollen.  I’m irritable, grrrr….  AND… I have morning sickness… all day.   Even the smell of certain foods makes my stomach do flip-flops. 

Actually it’s just the flare-up and reaction to the medication.  I was thinking this might be similar to being pregnant.  After all,  I’m carrying around an extra 200 lbs.  around the waist and at times I swear I feel something kicking.   Could be gas.

All in all,  I’m miserable and my ankles hurt and I don’t feel pretty!!!! 

When do I get the cravings?   Huh?  When does that happen?   I’m ready for that now.

I hope ya’ll are having a great day.  My day is a typical Monday. 

It has been a very long, very busy week and I apologize for my spotty posting.  The flare-up decided to rise up in rebellion and I’m back on the meds.  Only this time?   The dosage has been increased.  So has my nausea and as of this morning, my loss of hair.   The hair I don’t much mind. I can always shave my head or wear a hat.  That’s one nice thing about being a man.

This also means that I have to stare at the four walls of my bedroom with my legs elevated.  I’m getting cabin fever.   I keep thinking about the summers I spent in outdoor pageants and camping up in Colorado.  The days of swimming in Navajo Lake and Vallecito Lake.  Nights spent up in the hills around a fire getting drun… err… nature-fied.  Fishing. Ahhh..how I miss fishing.   Our family used to spend summer vacation either in Vallecito or Trout Lake in the mountains of southern Colorado.  I loved riding the horse trails and fixing lunch by some stream or snow fed lake.   This was, of course, before the Bigfoot phobia.   Hell,  if I ever get healthy enough again and get this weight off I’ll go looking for it!  I’m THAT desperate.  (Just don’t hold me to that, o.k.).

I listened to Miss Marge and I’m using hand weights and upper body exercises to help pass the time and increase muscle mass.  This in turn burns calories and larger muscle means more calorie burning capability.  Very smart lady that Marge.

In the meantime I have discovered a bigfoot webcam internet site with chat.  Well,  that’s an irresistable combination for me.   Bigfoot and the opportunity to brainlessly chatter away.   I feel sorry for those poor people. 

Why, you ask?  Well usually a phobia means having absolutely NOTHING to do with the subject you are having the phobia about and faint at the mere mention of it.  Not me.  Oh nooo… no no no…. of course not.  I’m stupid that way.  I want to konw what i saw.  I want to know why I saw it and why it exists.   I have so many questions and so very few real answers.  Normally I’m met with ricidule and disbelief.  A natural response I guess but it doesn’t help me.   So one bored day in my room with my legs perched over my head I decided to google bigfoot cams and found…..

HOME

These people are crazy.  In a good way.  I love ‘em.  They actually try to ATTRACT the big hairy creature and try to capture it on film.  I am a strong advocate of non lethal forms of getting proof.  Even though I’m terrified of the damn things.  I’m learning a lot and finding others who have had similar experiences.  I know I have to separate the wheat from the chaff but there are very credible people in that chat and it’s easy to tell who actually had an encounter.   The owner of the site is a very hard working dedicated individual and I have a lot of respect for him.  He’s a braver man than I. 

Anyway, back to weight loss.

I’ve lost another pound but I don’t know whether to count it as actual weight loss or reaction to the meds.  It’s hard to say this but food tends to lose it’s appeal when I’m on the meds.  I’m too sick to my stomach to even think about it.   My treatments are three times a week and the days I’m not haviing treatment I tend to get overly hungry.   This can trigger overeating so I’m eating small meals throughout the day.  This doesn’t over tax my already touchy stomach and keeps my appetite at bay. 

I hope everyone has a great weekend.  I know I will with my squatch watchin’