totahsam

Well, ya’ll knew something was going to happen and of course it did.   First morning of exercise.  I’m color coordinated and fierce.  FIERCE I tell ya!  Nothing will get in my way.   At least that was my thought process when I stepped onto the treadmill. 

That’s when everything changed.   First of all I felt like I stepped into a fighter jet cockpit.  There were more buttons and dials than I could count.  I stood there for a good 10 minutes trying to find out how to start the damn thing.   Finally a gym bunny walked over and gave me the basic rundown.  I was already extremely self-conscious so I wasn’t really paying much attention.   She said ON BUTTON and that’s all I needed.

Or so I thought.

She walked away with a spring in her step and I continued contemplating the shiny dials and knobs.  Preeeeetty.   Well, being the brain that I am I decided to just hit the on button to get it going so people would stop staring at me.  Apparently a champion triathlete with a sadomasochistic streak had used it before me.   I went down hard.  it shot me out off of the treadmill like a salad shooter on meth. 

One moment I was standing and the next I was pulling my shirt back down from around my ears wondering which way was up.   I’m having vertigo issues as it is with my ear problem so I had a hell of a time standing back up.   Once again the drunk hippo image came to my mind and I start giggling.   Gym bunny was beside herself with horror.  She couldn’t believe I went down that hard without serious damage to my extremities.   I have some carpet burns on my knees but that’s about it.  

There was a Navajo couple next to me when this happened and the wife asked me if I grew up on the Rez.  I spent most of my childhood and adult life there so I answered yes.

“I knew it!”  She crowed with delight.

“How did you know?” I asked a little dazed and confused.

“Because when you fell down you said Yęę’ ” (the two e’s are nasalized and the comma is a glottal stop at the end).  Navajo is a tough language.

“I did???” 

“Aoo’” she said solemnly.  Then she and her husband started laughing hard.   I joined in.  Well, it was funny ya’ll.

Yęę’ is the sound you make when you fall down if you’re Navajo.  Kind of like our oomph. There’s even a joke in navajo about people having a party at night and someone trips and falls out in the dark and says “oomph!” the Navajos all look at each other and say, “must be a missionary.” It loses something in the translation but it’s actually very funny.

Anyway, that’s how I launched my new exercise regimen. Why me Lord?