totahsam

I debated on whether to share this with ya’ll but I was talking to a couple of my friends in Bigfoot chat  (HI CAT HI JILL!) and I couldn’t help myself.

 Because of my fluid retention I won’t be able to judge whether I’m actually losing weight until I get the swelling under control.  I have been feeling a little discouraged because this flare-up is one of the worst I’ve had yet and lately I’m not showing any progress.  

Well God decided to step in.  Merrill luck style.

I wear a type of pants during my flare-ups that are extremely soft and flexible which minimizes the pain from them rubbing my legs.   They look kind of like sweats only they’re a very light material.   Flimsy.   There are no belt loops and have a string to tighten the waist.   You can see where this is going, right? 

Lately I’ve been having trouble keeping these pants from sliding down.   The string works great. 

When you tie it correctly.

Yes.  My pants fell down.

But this is me we’re talking about.  It can’t be something simple or mildy embarrassing.  OH no… huh uh… not for the King (or queen) of Merrill Luck.    I had to do it in a grand fashion.  With PLENTY of witnesses. 

Yesterday I was walking to my car.  Backpack in one hand, keys in the other.   I was tired and sick to my stomach and just not feeling up to snuff.   It was about 10 after 5pm and our building is at a major intersection in Farmington.   Lots and lots of traffic.   I park on the side of building facing the street.   The light was red.  Cars were backed up for blocks.  Of course.

I leaned up against the car to gain leverage with my keys and balance the backpack when I felt something….

Slip.

It kept slipping.

In a fit of blind panic I threw the keys, dropped the backpack and grabbed for my rapidly retreating pants.   Which retreated to my ankles.

There I was in my grey boxer briefs and a horrified look on my face.  

I quickly pulled them up and looked up to see…

A row of cars staring at me.   Dozens of people looking straight at me.  

I guess I’m still losing weight… along with my pants.

I think I contributed to global warming due to the heat coming off my red red face.  I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life and that’s saying something.   This is the same guy that rolled down a hill during and outdoor performance.   This is the same guy that fell down a flight of stairs after an audition in front of God and everybody.   Not to mention the treadmill incident a while back. 

I debated on whether to call in sick due to accute attack of terminal embarrassment.   Seriously.   I wrestled with my conscience and the phone for a good ten minutes.   My lack of funds won out. 

I hate money.

I came early.

I parked on the other side of the building.

’nuff said.

Sorry folks.  When they said they were “upping my dosage.”   They really meant it.  I’m still working but it takes every bit of my concentration and will power to make it through the day.  

Don’t have much of a choice to be honest.  I help support my parents with their meds, bills, groceries,  and all the things their retirement checks don’t cover.    It’s hell being old. 

I’m in a great deal of pain and my left leg is ulcerating.  The fluid has nowhere else to go except out, through my skin.   Ouch.

Ya’ll take care and hang in there.   It’s all uphill from here.

But.

The view is worth the effort.  

As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind.  To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again.  To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.

– Henry David Thoreau

Stop laughing..

I’m serious ya’ll.

 I said stop laughing. 

How do I know?  Well, for one,  my “friend” hasn’t arrived…. for over 45 years.   I think that means I’ve missed a month or two.   I’m bloated.  My legs are swollen.  I’m irritable, grrrr….  AND… I have morning sickness… all day.   Even the smell of certain foods makes my stomach do flip-flops. 

Actually it’s just the flare-up and reaction to the medication.  I was thinking this might be similar to being pregnant.  After all,  I’m carrying around an extra 200 lbs.  around the waist and at times I swear I feel something kicking.   Could be gas.

All in all,  I’m miserable and my ankles hurt and I don’t feel pretty!!!! 

When do I get the cravings?   Huh?  When does that happen?   I’m ready for that now.

I hope ya’ll are having a great day.  My day is a typical Monday. 

It has been a very long, very busy week and I apologize for my spotty posting.  The flare-up decided to rise up in rebellion and I’m back on the meds.  Only this time?   The dosage has been increased.  So has my nausea and as of this morning, my loss of hair.   The hair I don’t much mind. I can always shave my head or wear a hat.  That’s one nice thing about being a man.

This also means that I have to stare at the four walls of my bedroom with my legs elevated.  I’m getting cabin fever.   I keep thinking about the summers I spent in outdoor pageants and camping up in Colorado.  The days of swimming in Navajo Lake and Vallecito Lake.  Nights spent up in the hills around a fire getting drun… err… nature-fied.  Fishing. Ahhh..how I miss fishing.   Our family used to spend summer vacation either in Vallecito or Trout Lake in the mountains of southern Colorado.  I loved riding the horse trails and fixing lunch by some stream or snow fed lake.   This was, of course, before the Bigfoot phobia.   Hell,  if I ever get healthy enough again and get this weight off I’ll go looking for it!  I’m THAT desperate.  (Just don’t hold me to that, o.k.).

I listened to Miss Marge and I’m using hand weights and upper body exercises to help pass the time and increase muscle mass.  This in turn burns calories and larger muscle means more calorie burning capability.  Very smart lady that Marge.

In the meantime I have discovered a bigfoot webcam internet site with chat.  Well,  that’s an irresistable combination for me.   Bigfoot and the opportunity to brainlessly chatter away.   I feel sorry for those poor people. 

Why, you ask?  Well usually a phobia means having absolutely NOTHING to do with the subject you are having the phobia about and faint at the mere mention of it.  Not me.  Oh nooo… no no no…. of course not.  I’m stupid that way.  I want to konw what i saw.  I want to know why I saw it and why it exists.   I have so many questions and so very few real answers.  Normally I’m met with ricidule and disbelief.  A natural response I guess but it doesn’t help me.   So one bored day in my room with my legs perched over my head I decided to google bigfoot cams and found…..

HOME

These people are crazy.  In a good way.  I love ‘em.  They actually try to ATTRACT the big hairy creature and try to capture it on film.  I am a strong advocate of non lethal forms of getting proof.  Even though I’m terrified of the damn things.  I’m learning a lot and finding others who have had similar experiences.  I know I have to separate the wheat from the chaff but there are very credible people in that chat and it’s easy to tell who actually had an encounter.   The owner of the site is a very hard working dedicated individual and I have a lot of respect for him.  He’s a braver man than I. 

Anyway, back to weight loss.

I’ve lost another pound but I don’t know whether to count it as actual weight loss or reaction to the meds.  It’s hard to say this but food tends to lose it’s appeal when I’m on the meds.  I’m too sick to my stomach to even think about it.   My treatments are three times a week and the days I’m not haviing treatment I tend to get overly hungry.   This can trigger overeating so I’m eating small meals throughout the day.  This doesn’t over tax my already touchy stomach and keeps my appetite at bay. 

I hope everyone has a great weekend.  I know I will with my squatch watchin’ 

It had it all.  Action, Love, Suspense, Terror (mostly mine), and even some comedy.

Last weekend was designated the Mormon party weekend.   We call it the 24th celebration but the rest of the Mormon world calls it “Pioneer Day.”   It commemorates the trek of our forefathers and foremothers and foresiblings making it to Salt Lake and saying,  “This is the place?” ::yiddish accent::

We celebrate our great pioneer ancestors’ struggles by overeating, bad dancing (mormons canNOT dance), softball and soft serve.  Good times were had by all.

We live half a block away from the church.  This means we have a plethora of relatives in and out of our house at all hours, all weekend.  So being the wonderful hosts that we are we cooked loads and loads of food.  Red chili Enchiladas, Spanish Rice, Salsa, Refritos, Tamales, Rellenos, stacks of flour tortillas and fry bread.   Yes, I had to help cook most of this.  It was cruel and unusual punishment.  Don’t worry.  I ate sensibly.    I’m not going to sabotage all my hard work with a weekend of frivolity and merriment.   Nooo… not me. 

Anyway,  there were rugrats everywhere.   We’re a fertile bunch.  There were relatives that I didn’t know I was related to and others I wish I wasn’t related to like my brother TOM.  Yeah, you know who you are.   Evil, evil sibling.   But, I lerrrrves him. 

Why is he evil?  Early Sunday Morning he calls the house.  I mean Eaaaarly.   1:35 a.m. to be exact.   They were heading down to Phoenix and left our house for Gallup around 11:00 p.m..  They arrive at the hotel and he has no wallet.   He lost it.   The last time he remembers having it was when he was crawling around a tractor trailer at the other end of our property.  Way out in the dark on the other side.  Waaaay over there.  In the dark.   Did I mention it was dark?

So here I am walking around in the dark with nary a weapon or dog to protect me from the ferocious outdoor denizens of the desert.  Like spiders, scorpions, BIGFOOT, wayward ufos and the occasional fairy or sprite.  

I drive my car through the field over to the trailer.  I ain’t no dummy.  I found it of course.  At the bottom of the trailer ramp.   So I nervously grab it and head towards my car and look up to see….. 

I froze.  Terrified.

There was a very large form standing next to the Mulberry tree right by the place where I had my encounter.   I sat frozen for a good minute.   I was trying to figure out if I could make it to the car before it grabbed me and ate me whole.   In the meantime I was worried that it’s girlfriend was sneaking up behind me.    That unnerved me and I ran screaming to the car.  Yes, screaming.   I was terrified.  I’m a gay man.  I’m allowed to scream.   It’s in the gay charter.   See!  Page 12,  Paragraph 3,  Line 12 -  “Big scaredy cat gay queens are allowed to scream like a woman when the occasion calls for it.” 

I jumped in the car and spun that baby around to confront a….

Tree trunk.   It was an old elm tree that burned and looked just like a hairy man-eating monster standing there.   I parked in the drive and waddled quickly into the house.   I called my brother back and CHEWED HIM OUT!!!   How dare he put me through that!

Anyway,  it was a fun weekend.  One of the best.  Mom was laughing.  That always makes me happy. 

No, nothing about Bigfoot.  Just a great eye catching title.  :P   Gotcha.

 I’m really proud of my sticking to the dietary plan I decided on.   I never thought I could have this kind of control over my eating.  I’ve been sticking to my routine and it’s slowly getting easier and easier. 

The problem is exercise.  My legs hurt so darn bad.  I don’t know what to do.  I’m going to try and see the doctor but walking is exacerbating the problem with my legs.   Not even shirtless rugby players can overcome this pain.  

I can’t take pain killers.   Don’t even want them to be truthful.  Most over the counter pain relievers tear up my stomach and the pain can be as bad as my legs.    The swelling is starting to get out of control again and I don’t want to go back on the Methotrexate. 

Anyone have any suggestions?    I’m all ears. 

By: Lauriana Hayward
Source: LowCarb Living Jan/Feb 2005

Fighting temptation is probably the hardest part of any diet.  Where cravings are concerned, the best defense is a good offense-eating a balance of protein, fat and fiber throughout the day will stave off hunger and prevent blood sugar from dipping too low.  “For most people, the cravings go away after two months,” says Fran McCullough, author of The Good Fat Cookbook and Living Low-Carb. “But sometimes they return, and they can really knock you for a loop.”

Chances are, no matter how strong a dieter’s resolve, sooner or later a craving will rear its ugly head.  But even the strongest urge for a forbidden food doesn’t warrant abandoning your low-carb lifestyle.  “You should diet as if your life depended on it,” says Fred Pescatore, M.D., author of The Hamptons Diet. “If you make it as important as anything else in your life, then you can’t fail.”

Here, low-carb experts and successful dieters share their tips to fend off cravings and stay on the path to weight loss and better health.

1. Supplement your craving - When you’re deficient in magnesium, you’re going to crave chocolate and other sweets.  In addition to magnesium, deficiencies of zinc and chromium may contribute to food cravings, too. If you find yourself craving carbohydrates, you may be deficient in zinc. Sugar cravings may indicate a chromium deficiency.

2. Brush your teeth - For a “huge food turnoff,” try toothpaste or Listerine strips, says McCullough, whose lost 60 pounds herself on a low-carb diet: “It numbs your mouth and makes you not want to eat.” Chewing gum can have the same effect, just in case you’re someplace where you can’t brush your teeth.

3. Take a walk - You won’t crave carbs nearly as much when you’re not standing in the kitchen. “If you’re at the office, do five jumping jacks, or walk up and down the stairs a few times,” says Pescatore. “anything so you’re not just sitting there feeling hungry.” Maintain an active social life, but try to avoid activities that revolve around food, especially at the beginning.

4. Do something engaging or interactive - Find an activity that gets your mind off food, whether it’s a round of computer solitaire, helping the kids with their homework, or a household chore. “For some reason, I never get hungry when I’m cleaning,” says low-carb dieter Leigh Ann Stewart, a 26-year old nanny from Owen Sound, Ontario. “Afterward, I find I no longer feel like snacking.”

5. Throw out your “fat” clothes - Stewart suggests, “Get rid of all the clothes that are too big.  By doing that, you say to yourself, ‘I can never go back to that size again.’”

6. Out of sight, out of mind - “I keep junk food out of the house,” says Stewart. “If it’s not there, I can’t have it.” Avoid situations that trigger cravings. If there’s a box of doughnuts every morning on the conference room table at work, don’t even go in.

7. Choose a healthy alternative - Try eating an acceptable food to fight your urge for an unhealthy one. “Practice defensive eating,” Pescatore says. Always keep healthy snacks on hand-foods such as hard boiled eggs, string cheese, sliced meat, celery with cream cheese, and low-carb nuts.

8. Remind yourself of your goals - Write down your health and fitness goals and read them whenever you feel the urge to stray. “Think of the bigger picture. What do you want to look like? How much weight do you want to lose?” says Pescatore. “If you want to be successful, snacking isn’t going to get you there.”

9. Keep your favorite reading materials handy - Stewart totes around her copy of Dr. Atkins’ New Diet Revolution to reinforce her low-carb belief system. “Whenever I have free time at work, I read a few pages,” she says.

10. Call a like-minded friend - “A diet buddy is a great idea,” McCullough says. Pairing up with a friend can motivate you and pull you through times of temptation. And because low-carb diets have become so popular, it should be easy to find a supportive match. “Chances are, somebody you know is doing this,” she says.

11. Reward yourself - Many of us turn to food for emotional support-but it doesn’t have to be that way. Instead of heading for the cookie jar, try taking a bubble bath, visiting a day spa, reading a fun novel, or going to a movie. For added health benefits, dance to your favorite record, go shopping, or take a yoga class.

12. Have a low-carb version - “There are delicious, sweet products now available that will satisfy you,” says Bowden. Grocery stores nationwide offer low-carb yogurt, chocolate milk, ice cream, and candy bars all made with artificial sugar. However McCullough warns, “it isn’t a good idea to overindulge-sometimes you keep the sugar craving going.”

13. Drink two full glasses of water - Because food cravings are often thirst in disguise, you may find your hunger for carbs has vanished after you drink a couple tall glasses of water. “Adding some fiber into the glass is another good option,” says Jonny Bowden, author of Living the Low Carb Life. The fiber helps fill you up and slows digestion.

14. Give in (occasionally) - “I give in once or twice a week so the cravings won’t get worse,” says low-carb dieter Richard Stark, a 67 year-old retired social worker from Commack, New York. It hasn’t stopped his weight loss, he’s just losing at a slower rate and that’s OK. “People fail because they feel deprived,” he says. “I think if you cheat once in a while, you’ll keep yourself from going crazy.”

Through determination, willpower, and some trial and error, you’ll soon discover your own best ways to fight cravings and reinforce your healthy new lifestyle.

I got another red star!!  383.  I’m actually down to 383.  I haven’t seen this weight since J.R. was killed. 

Yay me! 

I was so worried that the latest flare-up would hinder my losses.  This latest flare-up took a lot out of me but I still managed to exercise and eat like a sane person.  

Margaritas are on the house!  

with Jeffrey Bahr, M.D., Internal Medicine, Advanced Healthcare

Jeffrey Bahr, M.D., Internal Medicine, Advanced Healthcare “We need to re-educate our obese patients on the need for smaller portions and more nutritious foods like fruits and vegetables.”

Obesity is a medical condition with serious consequences.

“Obesity should be taken very seriously because it’s a significant hindrance in the management of serious illnesses such as Type 2 diabetes, heart diseases of many varieties, strokes, cancer, sleep apnea, osteoarthritis, gall bladder problems and some types of liver diseases,” said Jeffery Bahr, M.D., a general internist with Advanced Healthcare.

“Obese individuals are at greater risk for developing these problems, and if one should have any of these diseases, obesity makes it more difficult to treat them,” he added. “So the thing to do is lose weight.”

The most effective way to drop those excess pounds is through proper diet and exercise, yet this is the least frequently attempted method of weight loss in the United States, according to Dr. Bahr. “It’s important to motivate and educate a patient about properly eliminating obesity.”

Caution with medications
Dr. Bahr believes that medications for obesity are not a primary treatment option. “There’s a paucity of medications that are both completely safe and completely efficacious,” he said. “There are some available, however, that are approved by the FDA (Food & Drug Administration), but they’re down the list on treatment options, and I rarely prescribe them.”

According to the American Obesity Association, new medications, usually prescribed along with a program of diet and exercise, have been shown to increase the rate at which the weight loss occurs. However, weight loss plateaus for most people after several months and weight is often regained if the course of medication is discontinued. Current drugs can also have serious side effects, which must be carefully considered
by the physician and the patient, the association says.

Lifestyle changes bring success
In the first six months of an attempt to lose weight by diet and exercise, the majority of weight loss is attributable to dietary changes, not exercise, says Dr. Bahr. “So why exercise? Because there are other important benefits, such as improved cardiovascular health, better muscular conditioning, and better mental health.

“But once you reach that six month period, continued exercise starts to contribute more significantly to weight loss, and prevents, to a good degree, the gaining back of those lost pounds,” he said.

Dietary counseling can be essential. “When we preach diet, we don’t suggest dieting for a specific period of time, during which you control the amount and quality of your food — we’re talking about initiating a lifestyle change. We’re preaching a sustainable style and quality of eating to maintain a healthy weight, and we’re talking about doing it over a patient’s lifetime.”

Behavior modification, he says, plays an important role.

“Culturally in this country, a high percentage of obesity comes from the ‘meat and potatoes family.’ We are taught to eat three big meals a day and to sit down to a big family dinner on Sundays,” Dr. Bahr says. “Today’s super-size portion is a cultural phenomenon in this country. See any fast food restaurant. We’re taught more is better, but that’s just not true. We need to re-educate our obese patients on the need for smaller portions and more nutritious foods like fruits and vegetables.

Carb control
“We also need to emphasize eating smaller amounts of carbohydrates. I don’t mean eliminating carbs from a diet. I simply want my patients to eat the proper amounts and quality of carbs — like complex carbs such as whole grain bread,” Dr. Bahr said. “Carbs are an essential part of the human diet, but in our culture we’ve been encouraged to eat simple carbs like French fries and processed foods that are loaded with simple sugars that are not adequate for good nutrition.”

Changing your lifestyle to include a healthy diet is essential in combating obesity.

“Exercise, get three meals a day but watch what you’re eating, and avoid snacks if you can,” he advises patients. “If you absolutely must have a snack, plan ahead and make sure nutritious foods, like fruits or vegetables are handy, instead of junk foods from a convenience store.”

Dr. Bahr also points to the fact that you can get exercise without necessarily going to a gym. “Take the stairs regularly instead of an elevator. Walk a half hour each day. Park your car at a good distance away from the store you visit at the mall. That’s all good.”